Bachelors' Society

A rather strange social group was formed at Hog Bay in 1907. It had unusual rules which, apparently, were strictly observed.

" . . . Seeing this was the first anniversary banquet of the Society it would not be out of place to briefly refer to its inception. Just 12 months ago the bad shipping facilities of Hog Bay had caused the steamers to go by without leaving any goods. The chief item to the majority of bachelors was, of course, the bread, and when the weather prevented it being landed the young men were in sorry straits. To try and overcome their difficulties they had started a Society which, he thought, had been a great success. The formation of their Society had led to a number of mainland ladies starting a Ministering Angels' Club which had promised to try and help the Bachelors. Beyond some charming correspondence they never got anything else — not even a small Angel, and he thought that after all there were no girls — ministering angels — like their local ones. . . . "

" . . . The next toast, ' The Ladies' was honored at the instance of Mr Reg. Bateman, and Mr E. Mastin and Mr D. McArthur supported. The President of the Bachelors' Society responded on behalf of the ladies. The next, a rather hard toast, ' The Spinsters' fell to the lot of Mr D. McArthur and he had to define the technical difference between 'ladies' and 'spinsters.' Inter alia he said that Bachelors should be taxed, ('No.') A lengthy discussion followed on the subject and nearly all agreed that the tax would be unfair. . . . "

The newspaper around that time gleefully carried several reports, and letters to the editor, about their activities, and their "Ministering Angels".

Quite a stir has been caused by the receipt by the President and Vice-President of the Bachelors' Society of a few intimations from the President and offficers of the Ministering Angels' Club to the effect that they are at present sojourning on Kangaroo Island. They, however, are careful not to let their identity become known, as they evidently think the bachelors would immediately make a raid in their direction. While we greatly admire their natural shyness which stops them from being ' bold' and forward, we would very much like to find out who they are. At the same time we have a suspicion that we have already located the said Ministering Angels, although, of course, we may be making a mistake.

SIR,—I feel it my duty, as President of the Ministering Angels' Club, to correct the misleading statement which appeared in the Hog Bay notes in the issue of your paper dated Feb. 29th. We, of the Ministering Angels Club, make it a rule never to say, do, or "think" anything; which in the ordinary course of events might be expected of us—therefore you will understand what an injustice has been done us by the writer of that paragraph, in insinuating that we "thought" the bachelors would "immediately make a raid in our direction. On the contrary, what we really did imagine, and expect to happen, if the bachelors got a clue to our identity, or a glimpse of our Amazonian proportions, was that they would immediately — from sheer terror — beat a hasty retreat into the forest, without even waiting to say " au revoir" to their nearest and dearest friends and relations— and just imagine, Mr Editor, how the poor bachelors might have fared had affairs come to this pass — when, from utter weariness and exhaustion they paused in their flight and sought to take a well-earned rest — they might have been attacked by millions of hungry ants. We did not wish this to happen as we have had our little experience of K.I. ants, and we unanimously vote them unpleasant company. Then again, they (the bachelors, not the ants) might have found the ' Gazeka' or some other equally fero cious creature, awaiting their coming, around the corner of some magnificent narrow-leaved eucalyptus tree — I really shudder to thick of other awful possibilities which rise before me. If any of these horrible tragedies had occurred, we would not even have had a passing glimpse of the ' bachelors' — therefore we thought we were best serving our own interests (as well as those of the bachelors) in acting as we did. As it was, we hoped, in the course of our wander ings, to run across a few unwary members of the Bachelors' Club, and should their suspicions become aroused, and they try to escape to a place of safety — well — we trusted that our training on the tennis court, and the hockey field, would have stood us in good stead, and that the bachelors would not have escaped as easily as the 'Vagabond' did when pursued by the desperate spinisters of 'Rocky Bay.' It is highly gratifying to know that your correspondent and friends so greatly admire our ' natural shyness,' and if they have guessed correctly as to whom we are etc —why we all sincerely hope that we ourselves as well as our ' natural shyness' have a share in their admiration. We thoroughly enjoyed our stay on K.I. and returned to our homes, pleased with everything (except the ants) and everybody (ourselves included)—so much so — that some of the members of our club are already talking of another trip next summer. It is rather far ahead to plan for — but if the the trip comes off, they intend making Hog Bay their headquarters. Trusting that you will kindly publish this correction. — I am etc., PRESIDENT MINISTERING ANGELS' CLUB. March 10th, 1908

SIR, — I notice by your last issue that the President of the Ministering Angels' Club has seen fit to correct a statement made by your Hog Bay correspondent regarding the above-mentioned club. These young ladies evidently think their identity is still obscure,  but I would like to inform them, through the medium of your columns, that their whereabouts, as well as the expression usually worn on their divine countenances, is well known to most of the hardened bachelors of our Society. These Angels, some little time ago, made an appointment to meet one of our hardest and most confirmed members, with the object of discussing matters for the mutual benefit of all concerned. The Angels were to be attired in a certain becoming costume, with the leaf of a particular plant popular in Ireland nestling on their breasts. Our member, who was dreadfully anxious for feminine society, was one of the unfortunates who never had an opportunity of squeezing any thing more elaborate than a lemon, and was in consequence very ignorant of the ways of women. He was to be attired in a certain dress becoming one of his order, which was to be completed by a large red flower in his coat. The bachelor walked proudly up to the place of the meeting, prepared to make an eloquent apology to his Angel friends for not being able to procure the all important flower. His hitherto bold disposition failed him all at once. He beheld two Angels at the place and at the very back. He decided to speak to them, but at the last minute changed his mind and passed on. The stood there for a quarter of an hour. He followed them and was perfectly satisfied as to their identity when he saw them disappear within the portals of the "Angels' Rest." I understand that the President of our Society is forwarding an important communication by the mail on Thursdayweek. Our Society would be pleased if an Angel would call at the post office for letters, as soon after that day as possible.—I am, etc., E. L. B. (Vice-president H.B.B.S.)

THE MINISTERING ANGELS. Quite a stir was caused in the realms of Bachelordom when it was observed that the President of the Ministering Angels' Society had once more come to light. Immediately on noticing the ' Correction,' notices of an important and urgent gathering to consider the whole of the situation, were sent out to the members of the Bachelors' Club, and the " Vagabond" has been requested to attend if possible. The President and other officers are anticipating a goodly muster at the meeting which is to be held early next week, and a roll call will be made to see how many have ' fallen' — iuto the ladies' arms. Personally, we are afraid the numbers are gradu-ally diminishing, but we shall not comment further until the meeting takes place. A reply to the correction will then be forthcoming and, no doubt, some of the deliberations of it will be conveyed to the President of the Ministering Angels' Club. 

THE LOCAL BACHELORS' SOCIETY. It is on the cards at present that either a progressive euchre party or a dance will shortly be held by the members of the Bachelors' Society. The members (those who are not already 'booked') are beginning to think that unless a banquet be soon held by the bachelors, or unless a lot of new members join, the present set of bachelors will soon be in double harness.

THE BACHELORS. A special meeting of the Bachelors' Society was held recently to consider the position of affairs, and also to receive the recent "Correction" from the President of the Ministering Angels. The President, who showed signs of the worries which are involved in connection with his onerous position, said that they must all feel glad that the Ministering Angels had not entirely forgotten them. It was not a great many months since he had received the first communication from the Angelic President, and since that time many things had happened. At one time they had cherished the hope that the Ministering Angels would have long ere this been ministering to the wants of the bachelors. But there was no accounting for women at all. They were undoubtedly strange beings to handle. He made sure that with such a band of loyal, honorable, and faithful followers the ladies would have long ago made some good matches. Now, of course, the Ministering Angels were little more than 'memories' to most of them, as several of them had already found Ministering Angels in the true sense of the word, and, later on, the original Angels would gnash their teeth when they found they had let such golden opportunities slip through their fingers. (Hear, hear.) At the same time, he would add, in justice to all, that there were still a few bachelors ' open for engagement,' while he would, later on in the evening, enrol another new member (on probation). He liked fair play all round, and, while they might think the Angels had treated some of them pretty badly, he thought the President was quite within her bounds in correcting the 'misleading statement' in a recent issue of the Courier. He moved : "That the Hog Bay correspondent be respectfully requested to deal gently and truthfully with the Ministering Angels, as any " misleading statements" by him might prejudice the said Angels against us." This was carried by acclamation. 

The ' Vagabond' said that he had seemingly been dragged in by the back of the neck by a kindly disposed Angel. He was, he said, an unbiased young fellow, and could be relied on at any time to tell the truth when a lie would not suffice. It was all moonshine for the Angels to say that they never " think, do, or say anything which might be expected of them." In his travels round the State he had picked up several clues that the Angels had overlooked in their anxious moments, and personally he believed that the cause of most of the trouble was that the Angels, having come to the conclusion that the bachelors were their sole lawful prey, rested on their oars, and had, in consequence, lost their chances — himself included, which, they would all admit, was a great loss. He was sorry to note that several hockey sticks, etc. had been got ready to damage his revered head, but he could assure the members present that he had no fear of being hit — he was a good runner, and his legs had proved serviceable on numerous occasions. In conclusion he hoped that the officers of the Ministering Angels' Society would spend their next holidays at Hog Bay so that they might see some of " what might have been." (Hear, hear.) 

The Vice-President, having made a brief reply previously in the Courier, said that as they were " his sentiments" he would not take up any of their valuable time. Mr Aud. Acity said that while some (very few) of the members kept strictly to their vows, the majority of them broke them very often. One of the biggest sinners of the lot was their President. (Cheers). Then there was the Vice-President, and lastly, and probably the worst of the lot—their new Secretary. (Hear, hear). 

The President here informed the meeting that at a private conclave last August the officers had decided that all officers of the Society should court the society of the fair sex, so that they might initiate the learners into the mysterious art of courting. (Officers' cheers). Further arguments having been propounded, the meeting came to the conclusion that, all things being considered, the young men assembled were a model set, and the Ministering Angels would rue the day they had lost them. 

The President then drew a small packet from his pocket, and,in a clear voice, called on the new member to kneel at his throne and take the initiation vows. He drew out of the packet a four - leaved clover, and addressing the kneeling person, asked, touching the four leaves in rotation:
1. Do you solemnly promise never to make an appointment to meet a young lady between 7.30 and any of the town corners.
2. Do you promise never to kiss or squeeze anyone other than your brother or an orange,
3. Do you promise to uphold the honor and dignity of the Society to which you belong.
4. Do you realize the nature of the oaths you are taking.
Should the member being installed fail to answer in the affirmative he is deemed to be an unfit person to become a member of the society. In this case, the member, having signified his willingness to "swear," was declared fully elected and the meeting closed.

[1908] Wednesday, August 26. On Wednesday last the Hon. the President of the Bachelors' Society received the formal resignation of the late (deeply lamented) Brother D. McArthur as Secretary of the Bachelors' Society. The reasons for his resignation are set down as follows : —

1. Removal from the district ;
2. We don't like to say it, but we might mention that, like most things where trouble is concerned, there's a woman in it. Thus is a worthy bachelor culled from our free and easy ranks to join (in good time) the ranks from which 'there is no return.' 

However as the (late) Brother made a good Secretary, the general opinion amongst the (few) remaining bachelors is that he will be quite as successful in any other ' department' he may enter into. The President has hinted to us that applications (addressed to the President's Parlour) will shortly be called for a new Secretary — not necessarily a resident of Hog Bay. The qualifications are, however, pretty rigid, and it is not expected that many will be applying for the position when they read the regulations which can be gleaned from the official records.

— MISSING FRIENDS. — The President of the Hog Bay Bachelors' Society desires to thank the President of the Ministering Angels' Society for the kind and thoughtful birthday greeting. He is unable to return the compliment other than through the press as she forgot to give her present address, although the Mitcham postmark was on the missive.